And Suddenly.... I Was Single (Again)

When God told me at the age of 21 to end my nearly four-year relationship with my college boyfriend, I never imagined that I would spend the next 15 years single. After being obedient and ending the relationship, I heard the Holy Spirit tell me in an audible voice that He had someone specific for me. While He didn't specify who he was or when He would bring us together, I certainly didn't expect more than a decade to pass.

I spent the next 15 years facing rejection from every man I was interested in, including some who initially seemed interested in me. The closest I came to being someone's girlfriend again was a three-year situationship with a man who enjoyed spending time with me but didn't want to claim me.

For 15 years, I watched women I knew from childhood, college, and the early years of my career not only get claimed but chosen. I watched them celebrate marriage proposals, weddings, and the births of their children, some of whom will be graduating from high school soon.

The years of waiting took a toll on my self-esteem. I felt unlovable. While I knew I was loved by God, my family, and my friends, it seemed that when it came to men, I was never enough. Yet I never completely lost hope in God's promise that He had someone specific for me.

I've often heard God referred to as the "God of Suddenly."

And suddenly, Sarah became pregnant after decades of longing for a child.

And suddenly, Joseph went from prisoner to second-in-command over Egypt.

And suddenly, Ruth went from a grieving widow to the wife of Boaz.

There are countless stories in Scripture where God miraculously transformed difficult circumstances without advance notice of the timing. The transformation just happened...suddenly.

So, in August 2024, when I met a Brazilian man in Florida who pursued me, integrated me into his family, supported my dreams, and made me feel seen, safe, valued, and loved—within a matter of months, I thought the God of Suddenly was finally delivering on His promise.

The man who captured my heart and made me feel chosen suddenly became my first boyfriend in 15 years. But one year, three months, and six days later, after countless trips between The Bahamas, where I was living at the time, and Fort Lauderdale, where he lived, I was suddenly single again.

I wish I could give you a clear reason why, but I can't.

I don't know why, two months before the relationship ended, he suddenly stopped holding my hand, which was something he had always insisted on doing. I don't know why he suddenly stopped kissing me without being prompted. I don't know why he suddenly stopped calling me "baby." I don't know why he suddenly stopped saying, "I love you."

In the last two months, he would still call and still spend time with me, but he was emotionally distant. At the time, his mother, who lives in Brazil, had just been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. I thought his withdrawal was due to concern for her, but I realized it was more than that when he didn't acknowledge our anniversary and stopped introducing me as his girlfriend to people, something he had always done with excitement.

Our relationship never had any drama. We never fought. We never argued. The only major conflict we ever had occurred during the last week we were physically together.

Frustrated by the coldness I was increasingly being met with, and by the lack of acknowledgment of our anniversary, which made me feel like I was in a relationship by myself, I asked him what his plans were for our future. I told him I wanted to be married by age 38. My 38th birthday was in April 2026. It was October 2025.

In an attempt to get him to show some emotion and some desire to be with me, I started packing my bag, hoping he would stop me and give me the reassurance I needed. He never did.

I simply needed to know he wanted me. I needed to know he valued me enough to fight for us, even if that meant confronting the inner and outer battles he was facing and being humble enough to ask for my help.

In the end, I decided to give him space so he could determine whether or not he wanted the relationship. One week later, he said he didn't.

During our last call, he expressed that he did not want to get married. It was understandable, as he faced many challenges that would make any man feel unready or even unworthy of marriage.

Could our difference in desire for marriage be the reason the relationship ended?

While I think it contributed to his final decision, I believe something much deeper brought him to a place where he could no longer love me the way he once did.

I've spent the past seven months since our breakup trying to figure out why, which has caused emotional and psychological turmoil and taken me back to the days when I felt unlovable and not enough.

While I've done some reflection on things I may have done wrong, I am finally at a point where I realize the reason our relationship ended no longer matters.

Why?

Because I've experienced unconditional love through my Heavenly Father. And while I know the man He has for me will be flawed, just as I am, his love for me will reflect God's love. The same way God chooses me—not just once, but every day and in every season—my husband, lifemate, and purpose partner will do the same.

In the past, I used to cry out to God, asking Him for it to finally be my turn. For me to finally be chosen. But if waiting means that someone won't just choose me, but make me their only choice, then I'll wait patiently while the God of Suddenly continues to work behind the scenes.